Eneh Akpan Writes: Lord of the Rings

Showing posts with label Lord of the Rings. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Writer's Gag

Courtesy: plus.google.com

A writer was involved in a dispute with another writer (the nature of the dispute is left to speculation) and did the appropriate thing; he took it to the Lord in prayer. Of course, there are many lords as there are many gods such that it leaves room for improvisation. This writer who although, performed a commendable act by making his peculiar circumstance an item of prayer had the wrong intent because it wasn't about getting right with God. If anything, it was about getting even.

Back when I read this story, I thought why, couldn't the fellow get his hands on a good book of spells and just get it over with? None of the Harry Potter books had been written at the time but Lord of the Rings had been kicking around several years before. A few volumes of the Dark Tower had been published even the Necronomicon would have sufficed. Especially that last one.

Our man went into his closet, duly shut the door, fell on his knees, closed his eyes and cried out to the high heavens. Obviously, his cries were not loud enough because heaven couldn't wait to send him a reply—a no-reply. God answers not the prayers of the wicked. We all know that. But we have an idea who might have an interest in such prayers.

And the devil came.

“How do you know it was the devil?” Someone asks. Well, how does anybody know anything? I heard it through the grapevine, of course. As the story goes, the sly one heard our man praying and he appeared to him, possibly in bright shining phantasma. Old cloven foot stepped right up into the sanctity of this guy's closet and said… You wanna know what the devil said to this writer? That’s what he said.

The devil said to the ‘prayer…’ (Someone said the noun form for somebody who prays is prayer. I'm taking my cue from there.) The devil said to the ‘prayer,’ “whatever you ask for yourself, I'll give twice as much to your adversary. Ask wisely.” Trust the old fool to offer tips when he's got your number.

The writer vaulted that tight spot in a single breath. He brought his fingers to his chin and scratched. “I could ask you to chop off my right arm; the incompetent brat might lose both arms. It’s close enough for rock and roll, right?”

“Yeeeesssss,” the devil said. “Is that what you want?”

“No. wait, wait. The idiot might learn to write with his toes, folks are so desperate these days.” He ruffled his hair in frustration and as he dragged the palm of his hand across his face, his fingers came to rest on his eyes. The writer sprang up to his feet. He would have screamed Eureka! had the words come to mind. Instead, he said, a touch of pride in his voice, “Make me go blind in one eye.”

It's an old side splitter that's not lost its punch line, yes? An American gag, if there ever was one. It won't amaze me if the Americans who read this laugh as a gesture of courtesy. They probably, heard it before.

Keep your pen bleeding!

Akpan

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

30 Personal Favorite Quotes From the LOTR Books

Updated: June.17.2015

The Lord of the Rings books contain many fantastical elements of course, it's fantasy. Yet, within these books of great magic and wars and portrayal of evil that thrives on lust for absolute power are equally memorable lines that stay with the reader long after s/he turns the page and closes the book.

These are selected personal favorites.

1.
Let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.

2.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

3.
The choice is yours: to go or wait.

4.
Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.

5.
Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.

6.
Sworn word may strengthen quaking heart.

7.

Courage is found in unlikely places.

8.
Some things are ill to hear when the world's in shadow.

9.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

10.
Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.

11.
He was great once, of a noble kind that we should dare to raise our hands against. He is fallen, and his cure is beyond us; but I would still spare him, in the hope that he may find it.

12.
Let us do first what we must do.

13.
I have more need of thought than of sleep.

14.
It is easier to shout stop! than to do it.

15.
A king will have his way in his own hall, be it folly or wisdom.

16.
In doubt a man of worth will trust to his own wisdom.

17.
Every man has something too dear to trust to another.

18.
There are children in your land who, out of the twisted threads of story, could pick the answer to your question.

19.
The evil of Sauron cannot be wholly cured, nor made as if it had not been.

20.
It seems less evil to counsel another man to break troth than to do so oneself, especially if one sees a friend bound unwitting to his own harm.

21.
As for valour, that cannot be computed by stature.

22.
What I can do, I would do.

23.
The fool's hope has failed. The Enemy has found it, and now his power waxes; he sees our very thoughts, and all we do is ruinous.

24.
For yet another weapon, swifter than hunger, the Lord of the Dark Tower had: dread and despair.

25.
The arm that was broken has been tended with due skill, and it will mend in time, if she has the strength to live. It is the shield-arm that is maimed; but the chief evil comes through the sword-arm. In that there now seems no life, although it is unbroken.

26.
She was pitted against a foe beyond the strength of her mind and body. And those who will take a weapon to such an enemy must be sterner than steel, if the very shock shall not destroy them.

27.
You had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours.

28.
Men looked up and wondered if the coming of the King had been but a dream.

29.
It is ever so with the things that Men begin: there is a frost in Spring, or a blight in Summer, and they fail of their promise.

30.

Seldom do they (men) fail of their seed. And that will lie in the dust and rot to spring up again in times and places unlooked-for. The deeds of Men will outlast us.

There's more beautiful quotes in those books that I have time or strength to translate to blog as you'll probably find out (or have already found out) if you read the series. These are some of my favorite from the three books.

Keep your pen bleeding.

Akpan

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Writers Whose Parents Are/Were Writers

Writers like Robert Louis Stevenson never had a taste for the family business and his family couldn't care less for his choice of career: writing. Reports have it the older Stevenson was exasperated by his son's decision to become a writer. Every generation has witnessed scuffles within families triggered by career choices of kids who are consequently, tagged black sheep for their decisions. Usually, the family business is at stake if the black sheep's cause is upheld.

However, there are several instances of a son or daughter rising to the occasion and taking up the gauntlet thrown down by a parent. What gives these peculiar moments magic is the pleasure of having an heir to carry on a beloved superstar/celebrity's legacy. A few great writers have been so honored by such deserving heirs. This article lists a handful of them.

Christopher Reuel Tolkien

Christopher Tolkien is the J. R. R. Tolkien's youngest son who is credited for doing extensive editorial work on unpublished works of his legendary father. The younger Tolkien who once classified Peter Jackson's live action adaption of his father's most popular work, The Lord of the Rings trilogy as "an action film for 25-year-olds," was responsible for putting the finishes touches and publication of Tolkien's The Silmarillion.

Christopher Tolkien edited and published many of his father's uncompleted manuscripts including: Unfinished Tales (1980); The History of Middle-Earth published in twelve volumes (1983-1996); The Children of Hurin (2007) and The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrun (2009).

Simon Mario Reuel Tolkien

Simon Tolkien is the grandson of J. R. R. Tolkien and the first son of Christopher Tolkien. He is a British novelist and resides in Southern California. Right from his fortieth birthday, Simon Tolkien has written several novels. He was the member of the Tolkien family who cooperated and supported the makers of The Lord of the Rings film trilogy despite his father's (Christopher Tolkien) advice that the Tolkien estate have nothing to do with it.

Simon's published novels:
The Stepmother (2002); The Inheritance (2010); The King of Diamonds (2011); Orders from Berlin (2012).

Joe Hill

Joseph Hillstrom King better known by his pen name Joe King is the first son of writers Stephen and Tabitha King. Joe Hill who treads in his parents' footprints has taken to horror fiction. His desire to succeed based solely on his own merits rather than as the son of Stephen King led him to use the abbreviated form of his name.

Joe Hill has won many awards for his stories and written two novels and several short story collections including comics. His first novel Heart-Shaped Box reached #8 on the New York Times bestseller list.
His works include: 20th Century Ghosts (2005, collection); Heart-Shaped Box (2007); Horns (2010);
Comics: Locke & Key (2008); Kodiak (2010); The Cape (2010); The Cape (2011); The Cape: 1969 (2012).

His brother Owen King is also a writer.

Dirk Cussler

Son of Adventure writer Clive Cussler and namesake of his father's most famous character Dirk Pitt. Dirk Cussler has co-written several novels involving his namesake character with his father. It's beyond certain he will inherit and continue his father's literary legacy.

Cussler currently serves as President of NUMA, Clive Cussler's non-profit foundation National Underwater and Marine Agency which has discovered over 60 shipwreck sites.
Novels co-written with Clive Cussler include:
Black Wind (2004); Treasure of Khan (2006); Arctic Drift (2008); Crescent Dawn (2010); Poseidon's Arrow (2012).

Christopher Rice

Christopher Rice, full name Christopher Travis Rice is the son of poet Stan and Gothic writer Anne Rice. Unlike his mother, Christopher Rice writes thrillers, fantasy, and historical fiction. His five novels were all bestsellers.

Rice never graduated from university and abandoned his studies at a school of the Arts to pursue a career in screen play writing.

His novels include:
A Density of Souls (200); Snow Garden (2001); Light Before Day (2005); Blind Fall (2008); The Moonlit Earth (2010) The Heavens Rise (2013).

It's always a thrill to realize your favorite writers' legacy will be preserved long after they depart this terrestrial plane. Tolkien's son and grandson have excelled exceedingly in this arena, warming their father's and grandfather's memory to the hearts of fans around the world. It's a beautiful thing to reflect on these as amazing as these and to learn to be persuaded thereby.

Keep your pen bleeding.

Akpan

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Top 10 Bestselling Fantasy Book Series

Updated June.13.2015

Enter a world where anything is possible. Step into all that's pure magic and sorcery, a universe of damsels in distress, of dragons and dungeons; of faeries and myths; of legends and stories of forever afters.

Enter the realm of (drum rolls please) fantasy.

Fantasy has accomplished much through the ages and the bigger the volume the better its impact on lives of readers. What you have here is a collection of ten of the best selling fantasy series only. That means if your favorite fantasy book happens to be just one volume, rest assured, you wouldn't find it among these. Even if it sold over a billion copies. While there may be one or two series still being written, many are over and done with.

But whichever one of these bestselling books you choose for your next reading assignment, the magic is guaranteed to take your breath away!

10. Shannara by Terry Brooks

Beginning with The Sword of Shannara in 1977, the plot of this epic fantasy series stretches over 20 books and still counting. The stories combine magic and primitive technology and the setting is in the Four Lands which is sometimes, identified as a burned out Earth long after civilization has been destroyed in what the books call the Great Wars.

The protagonists in the series are of a noble family called Shannara.

This epic has sold over 21 million copies worldwide and it gives me great pleasure to present it to you as #1o of the highest selling fantasy series.

9. The Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind

A young man, Richard Cypher is the protagonist. He is a Westland woods guide whose simple life is forever changed after he becomes the Seeker of Truth, a responsibility to uphold justice in the world is thrust on his young shoulders in an instant.

On November 1, 2008, ABC Studios began a television series adaptation of the novels, titled Legend of the Seeker.

The Sword of Truth is a series of twelve epic fantasy novels began in 1994. Translated into more than 20 languages about 25 million copies of the franchise has been sold worldwide.

8. Guin Saga by Kaoru Kurimoto

A heroic fantasy series by the Japanese author Kaoru Kurimoto. Guin Saga is the longest continuing single-writer's work in the world with a total 130 volumes, the last four books in the series was published posthumously.

The main character is a warrior who goes by the name Guin. He is set against a dangerous world that's controlled by magic.

The total circulation exceeds 28 million copies worldwide.

7. The Dark Tower by Stephen King

This epic/high fantasy by horror writer, Stephen King follows the adventures of Roland Deschain in his quest for The Dark Tower. King says the series was inspired by Robert Browning's poem, Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came.

There is a total of eight books in the series published between 1982 and 2012. Besides the eight novels that make up the series proper, many of Stephen King's other books relate to the story, introducing concepts and characters that come into play as the series progresses. King has described his fantasy series which incorporates multiple genres like fantasy, science fantasy, dark fantasy, and western, as "western spaghetti meets Lord of the Rings."

As of 2010 more than 30 million copies of the series have been sold in 40 countries.

6. The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini

The first time I watched the movie, Eragon I was hooked. Just like that. It was love at first sight. The movie which is a spin-off of the first book in the series of the same name was a masterpiece of the fantasy genre.

In the fictional land of Alagaësia, there was an order which oversaw the countries and brought peace to the world. This group was known as the Dragon Riders, for they rode dragons, at the birth of which a bond was formed in accordance with a pact made between elves and dragons millennia earlier. (Wikipedia)

The first book in the series was self-published by the family publishing company, Paolini International, and Paolini toured several educational institutions self-promoting his book.

Eragon was published in 2002 and became a New York Times bestseller. The four books of the fantasy series was published between 2002 and 2011 and has since gone on to sell over 33 million copies.

5. The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan

This epic fantasy was originally planned as a six-book fantasy series but now spans about thirteen volumes with the latest book released on 8 January 2013. The series binds various elements of both European and Asian mythology like the cyclical nature of time found in Hinduism and Buddhism, the concepts of balance found in Daoism, and a form of the creation story similar to that of Christianity.

The original author, Robert Jordan passed away before the last book was written. The extensive notes he left behind was used by Wheel of Time fan, author Brandon Sanderson to develop an extra three volumes to the series. The eighth through thirteenth books each reached number one on the New York Times Best Seller list.

The series has reached over 44 million copies worldwide.

4. Discworld by Terry Pratchet

The world called Discworld from which the series derives its name is a flat disc balanced on the backs of four elephants which, in turn, stand on the back of a giant turtle, Great A'Tuin. As of September 2011, 39 Discworld novels have been published.

The first volume, The Colour of Magic was published in 1983 and the most recent Snuff which became the third fastest selling book in the first week of publication. The author has expressed his wish that he would be happy for his daughter to continue the series when he is no longer fit to go on (he suffers from Alzheimer's).

The series has achieved worldwide fame with over 70 million copies sold in 37 languages.

3. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

A series of four vampire-themed fantasy romance novels. The series is most popular among young adults. The story is told from the POV of a teenage girl, Bella Swan who falls in love with a 104 year old vampire who goes by the name, Edward Cullen.

The first book in the series Twilight was released in 2005 and since then the books have become the favorite of millions of fans across the globe. The series has won multiple awards.

The series has sold over 116 million copies worldwide.

2. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis

Published in London between 1950 and 1956, The Chronicles of Narnia is Lewis' best known work. A series of seven high fantasy novels set in the fictional realm of Narnia, a fantasy world of magic inhabited by talking animals. The books are considered a children's classic. The work treats multiple themes. Traditional christian themes are interwoven with Greek, Roman and Turkish mythology.

The series has sold over 120 million copies and has been translated into over 47 languages.

1. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling

Harry Potter is a series of seven fantasy novels. The series chronicles the adventures of a young wizard, Harry Potter and his two friends. The first novel Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was released on 30 June 1997. Since then, all the books have gained immense popularity and worldwide commercial success.

The book series has sold about 450 million copies and that makes it the best-selling book series in history. The Harry Potter franchise has been translated into about 67 languages. The last four novels in the series consecutively set records as the fastest-selling books in history.

That's it, folks. Great fantasy book series to kill any dull moment. By the way, this list was made possible by information retrieved from Wikipedia. It's such fun to have limitless resource next door.

Akpan