Paranoid Noel

I want you to close your eyes and try to imagine a kid who's grown up but is not done and over with his dread of Santa Claus. He still believes Santa is a maniac from some unidentified alien planet who is out to strangle little kids and eat them up. But wait, there's more. What if this guy (man or woman) believes Santa is still tailing him after all those years of going to visit the bearded one at the mall? What if his paranoia has driven him to the lip and actually, pushed him over the edge into the abyss of insanity?

These are the things I need you to keep in mind when you read this verse if you find you have any strength left in you to go on. I know you do.

          I seen him sitting in the mall all but acting Santa Claus.

          I seen with my eyes a kid he throttled with his glove-concealed claws.

          Don't you patronize me, I can tell dragons from dinosaurs.

          I know what I saws like I know meteors are slugs from catapults

          Of the gods released over their tireless and dumb cosmic wars.

          I watch my back 'cause in point of fact, his stare penetrates walls.

          

          I hear rats in the walls by the sound but I know who's really in there.

          You don't fool me old sorcerer, I know your tricks and I'm prepared.

          I saw a deer yesterday. It didn't look my way but it saw me clear.

          A spy from the Old One as every Christmas card's bugged with ears.

          I don't take cards, they all looking out for him with the gloves and beards.

          Mom and dad worked for him too, dragged me screaming into his lair.

          

          Woulda sucked my blood with vampyre fangs but I numbed him with my screams,

          Broke into a run and I never been back to see him since.

          It's same story for father and mother. Lord, forgive me my sins.

          As a man, I paid them a visit and chopped them in pieces.

          I made them pay for all my pains; the nightmares that stalk my bliss.

          I'm here now, a lonely man, peace won't allow my fantasies.

          

          I saw that old fool yesterday. Have I told you that it's Christmas?

          He walked up to me all  Ho! Ho! and hypocritical farce. 

          I saw the bulge of his belly and it all came back in a blast,

          What would have become of me had I not taken off in a flash.

          I coaxed him into a corner no more fear of Christmas past.

          I wrung the neck off his bulk and fed scavengers his carcass. 

          

          

          Akpan